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Friday, June 22nd, 2007
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10:44 pm - Hmm.
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Its.Been.Awhile.Since.I.Last.Wrote
But.Hmmm.Whats.New.With.Me
GUESS.WHAT.I.LOVE.JASON!
Summer.Vacation.SUX
I.Have.6.Days.Left.Of.Summer.School
GAY
But.Ne.Ways.Yea
I.Hate.Life.Its.Bi.Sexual!
I'll.Keep.You.More.Updated.With.My.SUmmer
My.Gay.Summer
So.Yea.And.Tomorrow.I'll.Write.About.My.Weekend.Experience
=DILY
Ris.AH[♥]
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| Thursday, May 31st, 2007
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10:17 am - Cocky boy!
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Ok birthday boy, what did you do now? Just becuase its your birthday doesnt mean you can be rude to my friends. One of my best friends is mad at me becuase of somthing you did. She won't even talk to me. I dont know what you did but what ever you did pissed her off. She mad at me now I'm pissed cuz you pissed her off. Ok well whatever. She hates me now i bet becuase of that fact that you are rude to her. OMG ok later tators. Becca... your imput?
current mood:  aggravated
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| Tuesday, May 29th, 2007
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10:00 pm - Color of a Darker Shade
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Do you understand how one feels when he or she is discriminated upon? Called a racial name because of the color of their skin, or treated differently because of the difference of their background? Can you truly say you understand? You know many people cant. I can say that one from experience, it truly sucks!
Our world is seriously revolved around race. I think about it every day! Am I gonna wake up and walk out of my house and be looked at different, or be called a racial name? I don't know whats around the corner. No one does. I am not the only one that worries. But I am also not the only one that will step down from our racial cliques.
Being from Mexican, Native American, and Caucasin decent, I know what other kids like me go through, I know what its like. I know what it feels like. For the first part of my life I attended a white public school. But for the remainder of my grade school and middle school years I went to a Native school. But now that I'm out of middle school I go to a high school that merges the schools from the surrounding areas. That includes the first school I ever attended.
My first school i went too I made friends. I remember my best friend and I use to do everything together. We said we would be best friends forever. I even remember talking about how when we grew up we were going to own a horse ranch together. But then I moved, we didn't stay in touch. But she invited me to her birthday party a couple of years later. After that, that was the last time we talked. Now that we are in high school together we see each other every day. We pass in the halls but never say a word. Sometimes I do wonder about it, us becoming friends again, but I never push the subject.
Looking back on that friendship, I think of how easy it was to forget about race. To think about a person's personality and not the color of their skin. But today its not that easy. People are too worried about what one of their own friends would say if a white befriends a native or a black. I see it all the time. For example; For a native kid to be friends with a white kid and start to hang out with that person and spend a lot more time than he might with his regular friends, They would start to ask him, "what are you turnin into a little white boy for?" or say, "I see you actin like a little white boy." It's the same way with girls.
Its all about pride! Whose smarter, better, stronger. Yea I'm involved with that too, but I don't use it as an excuse any more. If I got shit with a white girl I'm not gonna say, Oh that bitch is gonna get her ass kicked cuz i'm native. Its gonna be what she said to me, what shes got against me, not the color of her skin, or even my skin. But now if a white girl comes at me about my race, shits going down for real. I got more on this subject but thats all i gotta say for now
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| Friday, May 25th, 2007
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3:21 pm - Old Memories....Missin Him
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I was cleanin my room and goin thru some shit and found this written down. Now dis is way old so dont get the idea that I still feel the same about dis kid. Ok here i goes.
The day Josh left it didnt feel real. I felt like I was havin a bad dream. I cried a couple of times, maybe more, but I didnt make missing him my all, my everything. I think it was because I'd seem him in the halls and he would smile at me and give me that look like he still cared. At least I prayed he did. And then I stopped seeing him around, but I didnt think anything of it. So one night I asked my friend if she had seen Josh around. She said LaRissa he's gone. I'm like what do you mean he's gone? She goes he got sent away. i broke down! All this time she knew and didnt tell me! She said she didnt think I cared. Of course I cared, I love him. I just cant get over him. We spent alot of time together. Not to mention all the months in our first relationship. I gave him too much and I still wonder what I got in return. But i dont care about that because I love him. After that I felt empty. I'd leave a class and I'd glance down the hall. I thought I seen him. I'd almost call out his name but i would catch myself because I knew it wasn't him. Everybody I look at, I see him, or see something he use to do. I miss him everyday of my life! I just want him back! Or just hear his voice one last time. I wanna contact him in some way. I guess all I can do is keep praying like I have been and wishing the best for him so that he'll be good and come back sooner than we all think. I'll be glad when i'm back in his arms. I love you Josh, Just remember that, and when you're ready I'm waiting.
But we all know that is so done and over with! I care for his well being but I dont love him anymore. I'm with Jason now. I love him now. Nd jason will always come before josh or anybody for that matter, including myself!
current mood:  groggy
current music: nottha!
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| Wednesday, May 23rd, 2007
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2:28 pm - And the Truth Comes Out
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I can no longer hide my feelings. Too many things left unsaid. So I told him I loved him, and let the truth unfold.
Now he finally knows, that I can't let my ex go. I'm all he has left, and I can't leave him stranded in this world all alone.
Yea I remember the stuff he's done to me, and how he left me abanded here with pain, for her.
But I don't care what hes done. No matter what I will always care for his well being. But do know this. I do not love him in any way. And I hope both of them realize that.
He's inched his way back into my life, but I can no longer shut him out. I care.
For the one I love, I will never let you go. My heart belongs to you, and no one else. When we are together, you are all I think of. When I sit and look at your beautiful face, I realize that you are the one for me. And I wouldn't change that for the world.
I still am unaware of how he really feels. And that is the way it will stay until he becomes a man and makes his way home.
When he finally does come home, I want you to know that I will remain yours. And I will tell him how it has to go, or I will have to say goodbye for good.
I love you. I care for him. I'm sorry but that is the way it is. But you will ALWAYS come before him.
Yes, I care for him.
But I love you.
current mood:  guilty
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2:26 pm - I WROTE THIS YESTERDAY (forgot to post it)
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I'm sick of trying to figure him out. I can't tell if he is upset with me, or pissed off at the world. When I think he is ignoring me, he isnt. When I think he isnt ignoring me he is. He is a really confusing person to try and figure out. Becca what to do what to do. Oh yea I FUCKIN HATE KASSIE FUCKIN NERI!
Wow ok now he is just pissing me off! all thats on his mind right now is myspace. hmmm, well ok you know what he is dumb. The time we have together is spent on myspace. And he wonders why I get so fuckin fnrustrated with him! He is gonna screw it up. And maybe, JUST maybe I might let Josh walk straight by into my life. Now I'm gonna cry for saying that, but I'm not gonna delete it cuz its the truth. FORGIVE ME GOD FOR I HAVE SINED. mah bad! and josie cant find a picture of a movie theatre. lol that was very frickin random! hold to type jason a note. kk..............................................................................
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| Sunday, May 20th, 2007
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8:47 pm - TOLD YA SO!
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11:38 am - Just Another Sunday
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Boring. Just another plain old boring Sunday. The only thing that really happened today was that I got to see Jason. Which was pretty exciting seeing as how I haven't seen him in 3 days. Yea, yesterday I figured we could hang out, but guess what he did. He blew me off for Andrew. If you could see me right know, you would see that I'm rolling my eyes. But anyways, back on subject. Ok so as he was chillin' with Andrew, I was kickin' it with Denny. BUT, being the loving girlfriend I am, I pushed Denny away as he tried to walk back into my life. If Jason only knew how much Denny meant to me in the past. Just another one of those untold stories from LaRissa's book of fairytales. Pitty!
current mood:  okay
current music: Whisky Lullaby by Brad Paisly feat Allison Kraus
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| Thursday, May 17th, 2007
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8:19 pm - Goodbye
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Before I start this out, I must say, Becca this is going to be about Jason and I so if you must, you do not need to read.
Today was just a test of what is going to be like in a couple of months. Jason is leaving for a day for College Orientation. Now I know how to deal without him for a couple of days (weekends) but it's different knowing he isnt just 15 minutes away from me. Tonight he'll be 4 hours away. And that's a little tough. For the both of us, I could tell in his voice. I started missing him the minute he hung the phone up. I just want to hear his voice again. I probably wont get to talk to him till tomorrow night. I can make it, and what makes it easier is knowing that he is coming back tomorrow night. Now I know you ask, how am I going to make it when he really leaves for college? Well I can't really answer that. I truly dont know. We're not there yet. And trust me, I don't want that day to come. Ok Ok Ok, I'm done.
On another note. In school was the gayest shit I have ever had to endure. I SWEAR to go I was about to go fucking physco with the dumbest fuckin white kids up in that school. Man some of them were crazy like, i wouldnt mind drinkin with that crazy fucker. But some of them were like your so fuckin dumb your momma needs to be fuckin slapped. Ok so enough about that.
The Kassie deal. Yea she still a hoe. She still needs to be fuckin jumped by all of us girls that gots shit against her. Becca, Josie you know wat im talkin about. I told raymond, I told janine, that I was not gonna fuckin drop this shit. She said some stuff that should NEVER EvER grace a white girls lips. Now for future refrences, and you can mark my word. As long as i go to this fuckin joke of a school. I will NEVER EVER lite a lil white bitch call me a TIMBER NIGGER, and get away with it. So all you white girls readin this rite now. Yall take warning before we got to jump your ass like we have to jump the Skank Hoe's.
Ok for real though, I'm about to be outta here cuz im tired, and my head is hurtin from crying. Imma go to bed, wish me sweet dreams. Maybe I'll dream about killing kassie. that would be a sweet ass dream for me, but a night mare for her.
Peace, Love, And Frybread Grease.
current mood: crappy
current music: Notta damn thing!
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| Wednesday, May 16th, 2007
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3:15 pm - Today....
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Today I have to say really did suck. Today I got suspended. 2 reasons. Kassie Neri and Mr. Grossmans DUMB FUCKIN ASS! So I'm being sanctioned back into court for what the 9th maybe 10th time this year. I have a feeling I'm going back to lock up this time.
I miss my boyfriend, he's still in school. I think I kissed him all of one time. and that barley even happened. Wow my life right now really fuckin sucks. I cant take the fuckin bullshit from my mom anymore she just really crossed the line I drew fuckin months ago. Today I thought about takin off with Jason but then I remembered- his mom. I definitely would need a place to stay and she probably won't allow that shit. I'll talk to him about it tough. He gets out of school in 8 mins and he'll be on the phone calling me, and trust me I am definitely am waiting for his call.
I'll be back in bit to write more, I look like shit and Jason will probably stop by before he goes home so later...I gotta put my face on! Lol!
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| Tuesday, May 15th, 2007
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4:31 pm - FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
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WOW, I have never been so pissed off at one person before. That dumb fuckin slut Kassie Neri is done. She says shit about me and my friends, then she lies about what she says. She gotta say shit to one of my best friends faces then lie about sayin that shit. She use to be my best friend but now? HELL NAW! God, For real though, she better say her last goodbyes cause she is OVER!
Then somebody has the nerve to go tell that skank what we are all planin to do. Who ever leaked info or gave her the heads up is goin down with her! Im sick of this fuckin school and most of the fuckin people in it. So we get called to the office and hell Raymond already knows. He said 3 different people came to him and said that kassie is involved in some shit, or that she is gonna get her ass kicked. Kassie has been in his office 3 times today crying her eyes out.
This is what I gotta say to that fuckin Cum guzzaling gutter whore;
Suck it up you fuckin bitch and learn to fight your own fucking battles. Don't say shit about natives and expect to get away with it. Thats why you got your fuckin ass kicked the first time. Oh and "best friend" we havent been friends for a long ass time, cant you fuckin take a hint you dumb stupid bitch? I can't stand hearin your voice let a lone your fuckin name. Kassie let me give you a little heads up, no one likes you, they just feel bad for your skanky ass. Shit, I feel bad for you! If I was you I would change my name, schools, towns, everything, cuz no one can stand you now. Take a little of advice; keep your legs closed, and hopefully you wont end up with something by the time you turn 21. Oh and stop dating fuckin gay guys. They are only with you so they can get ride of that image of being gay. And your the stupidest one to fall for it.
current mood:  pissed off
current music: Im Throwed by Paul Wall
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| Monday, May 14th, 2007
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8:15 pm - Surprise
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Guess what tomorrow is?
Mine and Jason's 2 month anniversary .
I cant believe its been 2 months.
Before we got together all I ever wanted was to have one simple little chance with him.
Now I can say I am the happiest girl on this entire planet.
He says I am the woman of his dreams and he loves me more than the entire world.
He said he would do anything in his power for me.
Despite him leaving for college in a couple of months he said we will remain together and remain faithful to me.
I hope he is right.
I love this boy with the world. I love him more than anything in this entire universe.
I think I am the luckiest girl alive.
current mood:  cheerful
current music: Umbrella - Rihanna ft. Jay Z
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