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Saturday, December 19th, 2009
dear_you
[ theanimequeen ]
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10:28a
S,
Quit calling us stalkers, when you do the EXACT same thing as us. You look at our journal the same as we do yours.
Hypocrite much?
And the only reason we ever look at anything you post, is because you trash talk us on LG and all.
Just quit acting like you are all that, YOU'RE NOT.
Pretending like we are the only ones causing this, when it is YOUR fault to, you are just acting like a stupid bitch.
I have never once posted anything bad about you in my journal, only on my letters in here, and if you read them, its because you CHOSE to. I read your letters when they regard ME. We have the same feature as you, the "My Guest" thing, we see that you stalk us too.
If you would ever just shut up and quit badmouthing people, we would never have problems. Ever. Me and R had both stopped writing about you. Now stop.
You need to just quit being an immature little brat.
~D
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dear_you
[ hielofbullets ]
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10:54a
Dear Epoch: God of all that is awesome,
Thank you for delivering me upon a lost case of Horde Gamerfuel by Mountain Dew. You totally rock. But I guess you knew that already since you're the god of awesome. Anyways, thanks a lot.
Sincerely yours,
A humble servant of the coolness.
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dear_you
[ full_on_zombie ]
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2:55a
Dear You, How long are you going to be passive aggressive to me? How long are you going to make posts about how much you dislike me now and disrespect me.
I've tried to maturely ask you several times now to talk to me...I cared for you as a close friend. I always made sure I was there for you. I do one thing that you do not like, and you go cut-throat on me instead of sticking with me like a real friend should.
You are ignoring me. You are signing "off line" as soon as I sign on. You make passive aggressive posts implying how much better you are than me because you are upset that I am in a relationship now and slept with someone within a month of "knowing" them...within the first time going over their house...so that makes you cold to me. That makes you state over and over how I'm no longer the "same" person you became friends with.
I think you are acting very immature. You obviously don't want to talk to me about how you feel and try to keep a close friendship or settle your ill-feelings...yet you still enjoy posting and tweeting against me.
I wish you would tell me just to stop caring about you and what you are feeling...I wish you would just tell me to fuck off...because I loved you as a dear friend, and I thought the same for you to me...but I was wrong. I always seem to be wrong...
Maybe you had a crush on me, I don't know...I respected your boundaries though and never persuaded a relationship with you because you stated over and over you were not interested in having one. Perhaps you are jealous or upset now that I am with someone? Or maybe you are really just that mad at me for sleeping with someone so soon?
I really don't appreciate the way you are acting. I have always stuck by your side...I always tried to help you...you don't talk to me for almost a week, and then when you finally do decide to comment to me, it is obviously something against me just as well...
Perhaps instead of being so angry with me, you should look at yourself...please grow up a bit and appreciate what a friendship is. You make it seem like as if I had gotten drunk, did some drugs, and slept with every person in town...yet you know me better...or at least I thought...
current mood:  sad
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(2 comments | comment on this) Friday, December 18th, 2009
dear_you
[ _tainted_son_ ]
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5:14p
The Brownest of All
Dear Linus,
i think there must be something wrong with me. Christmas is coming, but i’m not happy. i don’t feel like the way i’m supposed to feel. I just don’t understand christmas, i guess. i like getting presents, and sending christmas cards, and decorating trees and all that, but i’m still not happy. i always end up feeling depressed.
Sincerely,
Another Charlie Brown
current mood:  blah
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dear_you
[ bluefireworks ]
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5:44p
k,
I used to be upset about us but now I'm just angry. Saying that you're going out to all these parties and getting drunk isn't going to impress me. I had this impression when we first met that you were going to be that guy, the guy I would be head over heels for, and I was for a little bit but you're just starting to piss me off. I don't care that you're getting wasted tomorrow night, I don't care that you're all over other girls and I don't care about all the friends you're going to party with over the holidays so stop telling me. Oh and another thing: don't invite yourself to another one of my friends lunches. Just because you have nothing better to do doesn't mean you can feel entitled to tag along to something you'll be a dick about anyway. Thanks for showing me just how much I'm over you.
- s
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dear_you
[ theanimequeen ]
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3:54p
Dear You,
Right now I'm so messed up with what I'm thinking. I love you, I really do. As much as a person who hasn't met someone in real life can.
I always said I would never, ever do long distance though...
But I don't know how you feel, and I'm not going to ask. I'm going to try to spend time away from you though...
I feel like I'm too dependent on you. I feel like I just can't live a day without you. Today I didn't think of you as much, and I felt a bit better.
I just wish I knew how you felt about me...
Someone said that because you said a long time ago that we might date, if we didn't find other people and if we could meet at least a few times, that because you said that, then you probably aren't interested in dating me...but you're so interested in meeting me...and when we talk we talk about so many things! I just don't know...Everyone on that community now said that I should just move on because if its only a "might date" then its not worth my time.... But I mean, we haven't met. So could you change your mind after we meet. Hell, I could change my mind after we meet. I mean your cute, we get along, but meeting someone would be different... :/
I just wish you understood how I felt...but I guess you won't if I don't tell you. And I won't ever break down and tell you that stuff again. At least not online. I don't want to screw things up. I felt akward enough after I told you how I felt last time.
I just don't know if I should give up or not...I think I'm just going to try to distract myself more, not talk to you as much, and then when we meet, see how that goes. Because for all I know I could end up liking someone else as the year goes on. And I know deep down, I don't really want to move as far as California...I mean I might change my mind after being there, but it all depends. I'm just going to have to see how this trip goes...
Thats about all I can say about us...
Love,
D
Kayleigh,
You're so sweet! I'll try to quit worrying so much @_@
I love you twin!! :D <333
~Your twin whose 4 years younger XDD
Rachel L,
Sorry I got offline all of a sudden with no warning.
I was feeling so down that I just had to get off the computer and lie down...
So...sorry about that XD
lylas,
D
Dani,
STALKER!! Leave Rachel alone!!!! You bothered her enough when you were dating.
You need to just CALM DOWN.
>:(
~D
Dear Self,
GET SOMETHING DONE ON THIS BREAK.
Watch some anime, read that stupid book, DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE!!!!
~D
Dear People in 3rd hour,
God I will miss you guys. :( I'm so sad to leave!!! I mean some of you I'm sure I'll have in other classes. But not all of you at once again like that :( Thanks for including me today in the game :D And even though I don't like Amanda, it was nice you guys included her too. But no thanks for killing me off, Mafia people!! >:( lol
I had a ton of fun today :) I'm just sad that my favorite class is over :(
~D
Wow, I had a lot to say. lol Sorry for a long post XD
current mood:  cheerful
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dear_you
[ samamba ]
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7:10a
sorry for the length... i couldn't get the cut to work properly.
Mother,
Y'know, when you invited me over for Thanksgiving with the promise of no "talking about anything", I didn't think that translated to being pulled back into your life without ever talking about it again. I'm not okay with that. Even Thanksgiving you told me new things that, if I'd been in the mood at the time, would've fueled the fire (they did later, but I gave up. It's too much, now, to be so angry). So, no- I won't come over this weekend with the other girls. I'll call Nicole to see how she's doing, but I won't show up at the apartment with the intention of having a bake-off any time soon.
I don't know that I'll ever be able to sit down and rationally discuss all that's gone on between us, not with it ending in a reconciliation. I don't know that you'll ever be able to be a normal presence in my life again. I don't know that I'll ever be able to view you as my mom again. Because now I don't, and I haven't for a very long time, I've been so angry. I know you love me, in your way, but I can't reconcile everything that's gone on, everything you've done, with the concept of mom. You can't be the standard I model myself after when I have children, you can't be the one to be there for me. You may want to, but now, it would just seem like an act- an exaggerated overcompensation to prove to yourself that you've done well by me.
That was cruel, I know. I know you love me, I know you care about me. But it is impossible for you to make choices as a mother rather than as an individual. Sometimes what you want, as an individual, is to be the best mother you can, and those are good times when I feel I can believe in you again; but you realize that it's hard work, that you're not getting anything back from it, and you go back to making choices for your own benefit.
I don't know. Maybe you've changed, since I've moved out. Maybe you've learned, with my extended absence, that the course of action you were taking was wrong, and maybe you've changed your path. Maybe, since you've stopped getting high, you're more emotionally available, feel more sympathy, are less selfish, aren't quite so burned out. But Bob and Nicole both told me you're still depressed, so somehow, I don't believe that you've really changed who you are and how you handle things. You were at your worst when you were depressed, four years ago. I didn't even realize it at the time- but you were high all the time, you didn't care about anything. You used the excuse of watching over me, being there for me- you used me, in another of such a long list of ways- to stay home and indulge yourself in the luxuries of self-pity and self-medication. A year. For a year you just got high every day and sat at your computer playing the Sims, taking care of a virtual family like you couldn't take care of ours, escaping and dealing with it like a child would.
And here's where I know I'm not ready for a renewed relationship with you because I can feel it all bubbling back up, I feel the accusations and the horror of what we've all been through at your whim burning at the back of my throat. Why did you cheat? Why did you make her move in with her father, rather than me with mine? Why did you never put me in therapy when you found out? Why did you let me deal with so much by myself? Why did you never try to break through the walls I put up? Why did you never sign the divorce papers? Why did you let Dad "marry" her anyway? Why didn't you sign them then, or tell her then? Why did you continue to blackmail him? Why did you foist every responsibility you had that pertained to me onto him, her, and Jackie? Why were your first words to her at his deathbed in the family of I'm the real wife? Why did you threaten so much to her? Why did you try and force your hatred of my paternal family on me at such a young, naive age, when I couldn't possibly understand what was really going on? Why did you make her live in fear for so long? Why were you surprised when your spouting off hate stories about my uncle angered me and made me spout similar ones about you to them? Why'd you lie and say you were trying to be there for me when you knew you weren't? Why'd you just revert to taking care of yourself, when it was so damn obvious that I needed you, even when I didn't want you? Why'd you take every damn golden opportunity my being your child presented you to do as little work as possible, why'd you stop trying, why'd you stop telling me you were proud of me, why'd you stop putting any effort forth at all?
I'm tired, so tired. I've ingested three red bulls and someone else's adderall the past fourteen hours, and now it's all worn off, and now all I want is to just sleep for so long. I want to forget I wrote this letter. I want to go back to just sitting awkwardly at your kitchen table between Nicole and Krissy, eating pie, making conversation, letting you pretend it was like I never left. Being so happy for Nicole that she was going to have a baby, that she was so happy. Feeling relieved that you just wanted to hug me and kiss me and tell me how great I looked and even declare, "since when do you smoke cigarettes!" with an air of- just, such delight that you even got to find that out about me, even though I know you certainly hate that I do.
Not even that, Kim. I just want to go back to when you weren't in my life. You're a destructive force greater than any other, and my anger for you is worse and more consuming, more addictive, more draining than any drug I could take. I kept it latent for Nicole's sake when we went to visit her in the hospital, and for your sake on Thanksgiving in an act I'm not too modest to admit was selfless and brave for me. But now... I can't hold it in, I can't pretend everything is alright. I know you're alright to. But I'm not, I don't operate the way you do, hoping that if you play extra nice to your demons, they'll give in and give up.
I can't say, even, that this entirely your or my or anyone's fault. Everyone's to blame. But I can say with certainty that even if you didn't even handle it the worst- it being my entire life, I guess, and our relationships with everyone around us- it was your actions that were always going to hurt the most. You're my mother, and though you may not have gotten the worst grade on the family report card, it was most important that you passed. You didn't.
So now, you have to understand when I don't come back to your life and be your daughter again. I might never do that. You have to understand when I continue calling Cindy Mom, when it's her standing next to me through all the trials and rites of passage in my life. When it's her helping me on my wedding day, and when it's her being named Grandma, and when it's her I model myself after as I raise my own children. You have to understand that she's always tried, that she's always made the effort, that she's always wanted to be more than the stepmother for me from the start. That it was her to get the flying colors on the report, and it was her to treat me like a person who needed help, not a burden to be taken care of at one's inconvenience. She stepped up. She was the one who helped me. She was the one who saw that I needed a mom, and took over the part without any expectation of reward.
You can't be angry at her for that. You couldn't do all that for me. She did, and without her, I don't know where I would be at this moment. Without her support I don't know if I would've made it through the years with you. You're not allowed anything but gratitude and respect for her, because she saved my life.
It's now seven in the morning, and I've been writing this letter for an hour. I can't spend my life in this kind of train of thought anymore; it's time for me to grow up, step up, adapt, learn, and act accordingly.
So, bye, Mom. Somewhere in me, though it's deep, the childhood me loves you deeply, reverently, without question.
The me that knows better- I'm sad at how it all turned out, but I'm not going to regret moving on.
Daughter.
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dear_you
[ therandomgirlie ]
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11:26a
Dear you,
So, last day of school and it closes due to snow. I'm probably the only person pissed off about this. I'm pissed off cos I wanted to say goodbye to you before I go away after Christmas and don't see you for a while.
I really miss you. Already. Which is stupid, I know, but I do. I have a horrible feeling something bad is going to happen, and that I'll never get to see you again. But I'm just being paranoid. Nothing will happen. But I'm still scared.
So, like I was GOING to say to you, until I see you again, have a great Christmas, and don't do anything I wouldn't do!
Oh, and I think I'm in love with you. But I wasn't going to say that.
Yours, always, C xxxx
current mood:  distressed
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dear_you
[ samamba ]
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6:19a
Dear 5:36 AM,
Please turn to 7 AM now, so that I can get ready, go take my final, put all my shit in the car and GO HOME! You've led me to passing the time by writing needless Dear Yous.
Stressed student.
Dear JH,
Haha, it's going to be an interesting car ride home... two and a half hours of just us, when we've never really had anything to talk about but Biff in the capacity of your relationship to her, and your biff in the capacity of his to me. And now Biff and I are both with different guys.... I'll make up an interesting playlist, to cover up the awkward silence that's going to dominate the ride.
It was definitely beyond generous of you to drive me home though. Even if you did hurt Biff(twice), you are a nice guy. She knows it too, don't worry.
S.
PS: Although... remember that time I threw coffee on you for mocking our friend, and ruined your brand new glory jacket? Haha. Oh, retroactive karma is fun.
Dear Biff,
I am always always here for you.
It was so nice to be able to talk to you for so long today- literally from when I woke up until 3:30. Even if it was a lot of listening to you cry and offering inadequate auditory support, it's exactly what I'm here for, what I'm meant to do, what I'll always do. Joking with you between serious talks was exactly what I've needed the past few days; I've felt so damn alone and confused about everything, and so upset by- well, the everything of this week- hearing the excitement in your voice about being able to spend break together, and about being together next year, was just what I needed. Giving you rational, productive advice on how to get out of your current binds made me feel better than any of the crying to myself I've been doing the past few days. I think feeling like you need me is what gets me through, sometimes; so often I feel not only unneeded but unwanted, and seeing that you really do need me around and benefit from our bond makes me feel so much better- when so often I feel like it's just me that needs or benefits.
So, when we eventually lose our sex drives, let's just get married and freak people out with our faux-lesbian ways, kay?
Love you, after all this time, always.
Beachcliff.
Dear C,
My God, I love you, don't I?
I'm a bit scared of telling you; not because you'll react negatively, but too positively. You teared up the second weekend together, when you were thinking about our future together. That kind of raw, uncensored emotional response scares me, puts me off- it's just been so much, so fast. I do love you. I think. I'm not really sure what love is, or how to tell if you're in it; I just know that all I've wanted this past week, when I've felt so low, was to be back in your arms. There've been times where I haven't wanted that, too- times where I've just thought of you pushing me for sex. But it's me against my demons there, love, and I'm battling hard. I want to love you without question, and I will. This will be hard- we're both new to this territory, and God knows we're both scarred from our pasts- but it will be absolutely worth it.
Love.
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dear_you
[ _tainted_son_ ]
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3:14a
W0W
Dear James Cameron and Avatar,
You have created an amazing film and you've inspired me to continue pursuing my dreams and ambitions of establishing a film career. Avatar is visually stunning beyond comprehension. I sat in awe from every frame. To imagine such a world living inside your thoughts is insane. Congratulations on such brilliant creativity and hopefully one day i can create something as moving as this.
A dedicated fan,
-Jacob
current mood:  artistic
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dear_you
[ chendamoni ]
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12:58a
Dear You,
I want new middle and inner ears for Christmas.
That, or people need to enunciate clearly for the rest of my life.
I am tired of asking people to repeat themselves three times in a row.
Sincerely,
Chenda
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(comment on this) Thursday, December 17th, 2009
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dear_you
[ sweetsorceress ]
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9:29p
Dear Universe,
Due to quite a few shooting stars, the reversed ten of cups and the sun, I finally hear you.
Thanks for talking with me and keeping me informed.
Love Always,
Kerri
Dear Jake,
Love you.
Yours,
Kerri
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